How do monks solve sexual desire?

12 min readMay 31, 2021

The original title is “How the Monk Solves Sexual Desire”. It is more appropriate for monks to answer, but it is estimated that monks are generally reluctant to answer. I read dozens of answers, almost all of them were making fun of monks and telling jokes. For example, under this question, many answers give people the impression that “monks cannot solve sexual problems.”

This is a question on Zhihu. The original title is “How the Monk Solves Sexual Desire”. It is more appropriate for monks to answer, but it is estimated that monks are generally reluctant to answer. I read dozens of answers, almost all of them were making fun of monks and telling jokes. Based on my own understanding, I replied in a simple manner. Although it was only a taste, it was more than 7,000 words. I simply revised the wording and briefly explained what was not clearly stated, which exceeded 10,000 words. Although it is more than 10,000 words, it is still relatively thick. If you go into details, I’m afraid it’s about to be written into a book, so let’s stop there.

1. Sexual desire is not only a problem that monks need to face, but also a problem that almost all people in the world need to face.

2. On the issue of sexual desire, it is necessary to recognize the differences between people. People are usually accustomed to guessing others based on their own circumstances and making inferences based on limited observations. This is unreliable. For example, under this question, many answers give people the impression that “monks cannot solve sexual problems.” This is specious. Just like a person who often visits Zhihu, he thinks that all websites are the same as Zhihu.

3. They are also young and middle-aged people who have heavy sexual desires and need to have sex more than 5 times a week, or masturbate. Some people are lighter, and they are satisfied once a week or even half a month. This difference is called Suye Habit in Buddhism. It can be understood as karma in the past lives, or genetic differences. In addition, there is the issue of “karma”. Whoever you are, it is easy to meet who you are. Some women think that men are not scumbags, because every time she falls in love, she meets scumbags, and so do the girlfriends around her. That may be because of her own characteristics that attract scumbags, as well as girlfriends with the same temperament as her, men who are not scumbags will automatically avoid her. Some people like to drive (zhihushang, “driving” means talking about meaty jokes), and regard themselves as old drivers. After playing for a long time, they are surrounded by old drivers. Some people were joking at first, but after a long time, they are unknowingly infected, and they are different from before. They regard the “old driver” as an honor, and they will inspire themselves to go further in this regard. This ignores another fact that exists at the same time: many people are distressed because they suspect that they are sexually cold. In the rebooting post, some people are in great pain because it is difficult to quit masturbation, and even when watching a movie, they want to punch when they see Iron Man vs. the Hulk (because Iron Man punches continuously at a very fast frequency). It is difficult for veteran drivers to understand this kind of pain. They did not feel the physical and mental damage of excessive indulgence. After all, there is a big difference between a two-day use and ten times a day. At the same time, some people suspect that they are abnormal because they can’t feel their sexual desire aroused and they need medical treatment. We can see that many people are greedy for delicious food, and many people are not interested in snacks at all. But in terms of sexual desire, because of its secrecy, it makes it easier for everyone to see their own kind, while turning a blind eye to different groups of people.

4. Sexual desire is also related to age. Some people have particularly strong sexual needs when they are in their 20s. After 30 years of age, their physical needs are drastically reduced, but their psychological needs are still there. After the body is weak, the sexual needs are mainly heart addiction. Physiological needs depend on the physical condition, the secretion of hormones, the strength of the body, the rhythm of life, and so on. It will be reflected in time as the physical condition changes. But the psychological needs are not synchronized with the physical changes. As many people get older, their existing cognitions become more and more solidified. After entering middle age, I thought that I was still in the youth stage. When I found that I was physically weak, I felt a sense of frustration and anger, hoping to make up for and conceal the frustration and fear of physical weakness through more sex. This will of course fail. After the failure, the problem will be attributed to the partner, because the partner is too familiar, so that they can not be sexually interesting, there is no new sense. After someone cheated, they would tell the cheating target that for a long time, I thought I was not good enough. I met you today and found out that I still can. This is like playing billiards. As long as you play a lot of times, one day, the state will come, and one shot will be cleared, and he will say: This pool table is good, this rod is good. Next time I still use this pole at this table, but it won’t work. In fact, aging happens all the time. It’s just that some people are faster and some people are slower. But in general, people have different physical and psychological needs at different ages and physical conditions. Due to incorrect opinions, many people will regard the vigorous sexual desire in middle age and the vigorous sexual desire in youth as the same kind, they are very similar in form, but the reasons are different. If you don’t see this, you will think that only strange partners can bring freshness, and come to the conclusion that “the way to keep love fresh is to constantly have new stimuli”. All incorrect knowledge is the source of the complexity of the problem. To solve the problem, we must first analyze the problem clearly.

5. The problem is relatively simple for people with low sexual desire. For people with heavy sexual desires, in the short term, their physical conditions will generally not change significantly (unless they suddenly become seriously ill and have a car accident, etc.). Apart from medication, their sexual needs will not decrease sharply. However, like many “greed”, sexual demand is gentle and long. It is not as short-lived and sharp as “ang”. For example, when I was angry, I suddenly wanted to kill someone with a knife, but I quickly gave up this impulse. In other words, people do not always have strong sexual needs 24 hours a day. If they are, then they need medical treatment. Generally, even people with strong sexual desires are usually stronger sooner or later than during the day, and stronger in summer than in winter. Wake up in the morning, sleep enough, and can’t get up in the bed. Slowly, sexual desire will arouse. With some conjectures in my mind, the longer I lie down, the stronger my libido, just like charcoal in a stove is slowly burning. If you haven’t woken up yet, you are awakened by the alarm clock, thinking of having an emergency meeting in the morning, going out in winter, buying pancakes and fruits on the side of the road, eating and running to the subway station, the cold wind blows, your sexual desire is gone. When I got off work in the evening, I was full, drank half a catty of wine, and saw the red light of the roadside foot therapy shop and the woman sitting in the door wearing stockings, and her sexual desire regained. The present of sexual desire is aroused by the external circumstance. When it lacks an outer edge, it is in a latent state. However, since it has been lurking, once it touches the outer edge, it will immediately raise its head. When sexual desire rises, due to the strong current effects, people often have the wrong perception that they are forcibly suppressed when they are latent. Actually it is not. This is an illusion under the current strong effect. The current effect is stronger than in the latent state. In addition, the latent state is only a point of greed, the current time is accompanied by a point of anger, accompanied by undesirable anger, accompanied by the temptation at hand, and even accompanied by fear. , Worry, excitement, so even more violent. In fact, only the current situation can be talked about being suppressed, and it is not possible to talk about being suppressed because of its weak power during the latent period. It is like having just eaten, people will not feel that they are enduring hunger, only when they have not eaten. However, the demand for sex and appetite is also slightly different in manifestation. The need for appetite is that you will always be hungry when you order a meal without eating. Although there is also a phenomenon that people who are too hungry will not be hungry, it is not common. The demand for libido is that people who are too hungry will not be hungry. In fact, in the long run, the same is true for appetite. If a person ate only one-fifth of his usual meal during the three-year famine period, he does not need to make up for the four-fifths that he ate during the three-year famine year. , Or eat as much as normal food intake. The same is true for sexual desire. It does not mean that you have not had sex for three years. After you have one, you have to make up for what you missed for three years. It may be needed psychologically, but not needed by the body itself. It is like an exponential distribution and has no memory.

6. Sexual desire is not inexplicable. Although it exists for a long time for a certain period of time, it is mostly in a latent state. To arise, it must be aroused from the outer edge. For example, drinking, going to the bathing center, going to the nightclub, and so on. Those are obvious, and there are subtle ones, such as being stimulated by seeing other people’s feasting life, being insulted and hurt, feeling angry and wanting revenge, etc. Even attending a high-level dinner or staying in a luxurious hotel will become the outer edge of arousing sexual desire. When you are in an unfamiliar environment and become admired for it, greed will arise. After that, you will soon realize that everything around you does not belong to you, and anger will also arise. When you eat with a beautiful and fashionable girl, even if you know that it is impossible to get her, your libido will be aroused. The latter is more likely to become the outer edge of sexual desire between facing people who are beautiful but not very dressed up, and those who are not very beautiful but are good at dressing up. The bright red lip color will be more likely to be the outer edge of the libido than the black eyebrow line. Sexual desire itself is a part of greed, and at the same time, it has a strong relationship with hatred. Because in many cases, due to moral norms and occasional restrictions, sexual desire cannot be satisfied at the moment it arises. Therefore, sexual desire is often accompanied by undesirable suffering, and suffering will cause anger. Hatred and greed do not go together, but no matter what they are, they can be related to sex. There is a proverb, “Everything is about sex, except for sex, sex is about power.” The “power” here is called “I” in Buddhism, which means “dominant”. Many people’s desire for sex is not because of how much pleasure sex brings to the body, but because sex is related to the confirmation of “dominance”. In other words, the desire for sex is the same as the fear of “selflessness”. And “no-self” and “unable to dominate” are also facts, which means that sex is always scarce. Regardless of whether you have a spouse, asexual partner, and sexual life, as long as you don’t give up the will to control and dominate, Sexual aspects can never be satisfied. If you get rid of the idea of ​​”intent to control, dominate, conquer, and prove through sex”, most of the problems of sex will be solved.

6. As mentioned earlier, the arousal of sexual desire requires the outer edge. Those outer edges are sometimes extremely subtle, so subtle that only a thought flashes in the mind and they are immediately caught by the hook. You don’t even need to see what the eyes see or hear what the ears hear, just a sudden thought of something will become the fate of sexual desire. Or like a programmer, who usually writes code in the office, surrounded by men and has no idea all day long. He went home at night and ordered a takeaway. He ate and watched American dramas. There was a supporting actress in a low-cut outfit and watched the perfect drama. , Faintly feel uncomfortable, and can’t find the reason. In fact, it was because he saw women in the play. Practicing does not mean that you force yourself to get rid of all external conditions. That’s useless, and it can’t be done. Some people are abstinent and force themselves not to take the initiative to contact women. For a few days, it seems that they have built fortifications. But I was very hard to restrain myself. I was bored and went to the Moments of my friends. I saw other people’s Victoria’s Secret show and crashed three times in a row. Practice is not like this. Practicing is to figure out what is going on when facing things and problems, and how to deal with them properly. Let yourself face simple problems first, overcome simple difficulties, train your strength in solving simple problems, and then face complex problems. It is easy to overcome. Instead of always avoiding the problem, if you avoid the problem, the problem will automatically come to you. If it is too difficult, it will make mistakes. However, those who know that they can’t handle the problems with their current strength should still be avoided appropriately. This is why there must be precepts. Precepts are the former convenience of practice and protection. There are also many different precepts. It is necessary to figure out how sexual desire arises, where it comes from, and where it goes. People don’t always have sexual desire, even if they are young, if they work for 40 consecutive days without rest, and work 16 hours a day, generally speaking, sexual desire will be put on hold. However, this is not the solution to sexual desire. Increasing work intensity, diverting attention, or setting other goals will not solve the problem. Just like chewing on the table or pinching your hand when you have a toothache, it can divert your attention, but it can’t eliminate the toothache. In order to reduce sexual desire, some people force themselves to read 200 pages a day, which must be completed, but he is not clear about the goal of reading 200 pages a day, which may potentially stimulate sexual desire. why? Going beyond your pursuit of strength is itself a point of greed. In theory, it is greed; in fact, it stimulates oneself to read more, study more, and earn more money. And sexual desire is also a part of greed. When you are reading, you have the idea of reading a few more pages and regard it as diligence. This is a wrong view. Because of this wrong view, you will not only prevent the growth of greed, but will encourage the growth of greed. When you go beyond your own abilities and causes, when you pursue excessively, even if it is not a sexual pursuit, your entire greed will swell. Then, as a part of greed, sexual desire will naturally be in a latent state. Inflated. When the book did not see 200 pages, the libido really did not appear. As soon as I saw the 200 pages, the libido suddenly arose as soon as the book was put down. Therefore, some people are very engaged at work and have no sexual thoughts. When they are not working, they thought they were exhausted, but they did not expect that their sexual desires would become stronger. This is the reason.

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